The Christmas Story

Christmas is a busy time for everyone. We usually have it here at our house in our little village. Mum & Dad come for a couple of days, work up a storm and leave again. By a storm I mean they work, very very hard. I have to say it is really helpful but getting them to relax is really difficult.

Mum was exhausted and really didnt need to do anything, especially Christmas Day but she couldn't stand it, just sitting reading a book and relaxing. It is something she often says she wishes she could do, she just doesnt and isnt happy unless she is working.

Dad is a different kettle of fish. He will relax, he has to but even relaxing he will supervise. Thats ok and he makes the Apprentice and Sparky stop and relax with him - regularly. The trouble is he doesnt stop when Mum is here, not as often anyway. Mum is the driving force and it wears them both out.

I took Mum for a drive while she was here just so she mite relax a little. I think she did but she was tired afterwards. Thing is the guys just had a good time, they worked but not so hard. They made tea again too. Cool for me!

Anyway back to The C Day. Sparky and the MMW (Dad) volunteered to cook everything and prepare for lunch. Cool no problemo go for it, I said.

Mum couldnt say that and volunteered to help. MMW looked a little crestfallen. I interupted and asked Mum to relax and let the men do it. MMW smiled and went out. Must admit S & MMW had a great time. So did I. Mum wasnt happy until she had cut up the fruit. Well it was something.

Finally later she got her nose into a book and couldnt get it out when the lunch bell went. That was funny. Anyway she upped and got out to the new you beaut BBQ area and we all dug in. Yum it was a fine repast and we all wondered what the rich were doing coz we had their food.

Werent many pressies this year. That was okay as there isnt much needed at present - more help with getting things cleared. I gave Mum some of the money she chipped in for lunch back too. That felt really good and I think she needed it too as she didnt argue. Really we only buy wot we want and that is good quality so we dont spend much. Anyway I gotta kick out of giving some back. Mum & Dad have paid for so much for us to get on our feet at C so why not. It is time.

S has gone off to his brothers 60th birthday party - 9 hours away. I mention how it takes to get there cos it is a bloody long way and why must he have it in the C break? Big Brother (BB) came over from NZ for his party - Doesnt he have any friends?

Short story is that I didnt go coz M & D were here still and coz the kids are too. We may see TA a lot but not Geeky Guy (GG). He lives in Melbourne and we hardly get to see him. I wasnt going nowhere for anyone unless we were all going. I think kids are precious, especially as they get older. They need you more now than before when they were babies. They dont need material things, they want your company, your advice, for you to be their mentor. If youre not there they miss out, we miss out.

Immediate family comes first and although he is his brother he could have made a birthday party at some other time. If his BB cant pick a better time, tough.

Well that is our C Day story, fun, family, festivity, fabulous food, clearing the air! & fixing problems.

Ciao Bella.

Yesterday was the Best!!

Last evening I did the most horrible thing I could for the year and I also did something really, really good. At the same time.

I will share it with you. Just a bit of background first - we have this schizo, paranoid, nutbag geezer in our wonderful little hamlet - I will call him Claus (as in Clous). He will berate you, annoy you, lecture you, suck up to you, annoy the shit out of you and all at the same time. He is a wonderful piece of street theatre and watching him in action - gesticulating and spitting everywhere as he spouts his true beliefs about the imperialists/facists/communists and whoever else is getting up his nose at that particular millisecond - is wonderful. He is a soap box hero!

You know I think I may even admire his tenacity as in spite of the local residents despising his presence anywhere in town, he sticks around and ensures that you know he is there. Wonderful. Not really!

Ah well doing the last bit of Christmas 'shopping' and chatting with the locals I espied Claus 'chatting' with a young man (handsome about 24). Claus was ensuring the young man knew of his beliefs in the railways and how messed up they are (according to him) and his suggestions(views) on how their problems may be solved.

Poor bastard. To give credit where it was due, he tolerated the nutbag and continued to eat his donut and finish his coffee. AND not only that to look interested and respond where required.

I passed Poor bastard once and thought SUCKER!!!!

Then I went back again and had to walk backwards, grinning all the way to silently mouth - SUCKER - he smiled at me.

I dropped off some stuff and walked passed Poor bastard again, grinning. I was really enjoying seeing the show. It was fabo!

I window shopped, coz I could. I just had to and walked back again past Poor bastard and grinned again. I felt like I was stalking him and I didnt know him from Adam.

Like I was really spreading Christmas cheer. Claus was in full gesticulating, spitting flight by now. Poor bastard looked at me imploringly as I passed, I was Grinning.

I put all my gear in the car - and thought hey... I could rescue this guy... if I was nice. I looked over to him, waved a little wavelet and finished putting my window shopping in the car. I put my bag in too and shut the door and locked my car.

I was gunna do it.

I walked over to where Claus and Poor Bastard were sitting and smiled sweetly to PB. Excused myself to Claus and said sweetly to PB, 'I'm finished now, are you ready to go?' PB couldnt escape fast enuff. He shot off up the street, looking like he would never return to our Hamlet!

Oh my, I was sorry to see him go but then I had Claus (NB) to attend to. I apologised to NB and he absolutely exploded, I think he really enjoyed it! The explosion I mean - I think I was tempted to ask him if the earth moved for him. But I suppose that would have been too cruel.

I looked at him innocently and he exclaimed, 'You are so rude you ...^^&**((&^?? (cant remember) how dare you interrupt OUR conversation'. I giggled. NB did not like this one little bit and advanced into a maniacal tirade, abusing me for interupting his tete a tete!

At this stage I lowered my guard and allowed myself to swear at him, after all I was only confirming what a bitch I was, according to him anyway. I called him a Fuc*en Dic*head, while still smiling sweetly at him. I was so enjoying this, it was so wicked.

I did realise though that really I should not have sworn. Hell it was out now. AND I no longer worked for that council so I was entitled, especially as he had fired abuse at us all at one time or another and we had been forbidden to comment, retaliate or defend ourselves.

I motioned a bird at him and called him a stupid idiot and turned on my heel, walking to the car, I got in and started her up. Claus was going full bore by now.

A little girl about 8 looked at me puzzled. I smiled and waved. She smiled and waved back like we had just shared a secret. It was so cool. Christmas cheer was spreading everywhere!

Anyway with all the commotion, NB carrying on making a proper spectacle of himself - everyone in the street was watching by now. Those further away only heard him - he was screaming his vexacious diatribe for all to hear. Where's a cop when you need one? - I thought.

Okay so I drove off. I had done my good deed for the year and I had also committed my major sin for the year. Do they cancel each other out?

I dont know either.

As a PS I had my photo taken with Santa that evening. He asked if I had been a good girl all year. My reply, while smiling sweetly and with a twinkle in my eyes, 'Of course, and when I'm bad I am even better!' and he gave me a lolly pop while Ho Ho Ho-ing.

I think I made Santa's year too.

Friendship today

Today I decided to grow up, well yesterday actually, and contact Blue Fairy and see if she still wanted to be friends. Well I guess the answer to that is no.

Cant say I havent tried though as that was the second time I tried. I suppose there is little I can do about it, if she no longer wishes to be a friend that is her perogative. Its really a bit sad as it took me approaching her last time for our friendship to be rebuilt and I honestly cant say that it was me each time.

Life can be a little unfair sometimes but I suppose that life is like that!

Am I working for the man or wot!??

Well I have finally cracked it. I think I am really going on all 4 cylinders now!

Yeah well I have enuff work to keep me occupied - glutton for punishment that I am I have applied for a job at the local public school. Oh Boy!! We will see.

Actually when I was writing the application I thought it was 6.7 hours per week, then I really read it - yeh that was per day. I think I can handle it - there's no guarantee I'll get it but I have applied. Gotta be in it to win it.

This working for the man or no woman is cool my boss is a bitch but hey I can tell her off any time, coz its me.

And really life aint so tuff when you go to the city for a workshop, stay the nite with your hubby, wine, dine and shag him sensless and its all training. So Cool.

So even if I am offered the job, I mite even knock it back, who knows.

oh yay

I finally remembered my sign in and my password!

Friendship

Not sure why this bothers me so much but may as well get it off my chest.

I have been crook with some kind of infection lately, not sure wot as the doc says all is clear. Beats me why my belly is all swollen & my back hurts though.

That is just really background and this all started when I realised that I had not received my area fan back from council. I just figured I could go and get it, you know wot I mean.

I went to the office and asked M if she would mind collecting it for me. She had a cursory look and then shrugged her shoulders saying, 'they must have chucked it out when they did the tag and testing'.

I was not real impressed with that and advised M of this and that I would like to have the fan back no matter wot. It was my fan so I was entitled to pick it up.

M shrugged again and said, 'well I suppose I will see wot I can do'. Great now I was upset. Dont ask me why but suddenly the fuc**n thing seemed real important.

I left the office and veged at a friends office a couple of doors away. Talked about other stuff, not sure wot.

I was still really upset later so I thought, hell I will ring Blue Fairy and get it off my chest - that'd be have a whinge in English.

Wot I didnt expect was to be chewed out by Blue Fairy. I know as friends you put up with some shit from each other - more than others may - but not get chewed out. By the way this is the friend I discussed retrieving my fan from council with before I went. She was also a little blase about the whole thing but I told her it was important to me.

So she ranted on about how I had no right to 'expect' M to search for my fan and that it had probably been thrown out anyway so bad luck. I hung up at this point coz I just didnt need this.

Now I havent spoken to her since last week and really I am questioning why I am friends with her. I just dont know. I have even gone to the extent of deleting her emails - when any arrived and screening all calls so that I dont have to talk to her.

Purile I know. I think I am disappointed in her response. This is mostly because every time she has been upset I have listened to her, nodded in sympathy and even made suggestions but never have accused her of being totally wrong - even if I thought it - I have usually just gotten her to calm down and then discuss strategies of how to cope with whatever the problem is.

Is it so selfish that I would expect the same? Even if I was wrong.

I called the office the next day and apoligised to M. She seemed to accept the apology at first and then told me that she didnt want to know. Right ok I get the point.

I guess I may forgive Blue Fairy eventually but I am not sure when.

The adventures of Sparky & The Apprentice

I cant believe it has been a month since I last blogged. Time flies hey?

S & TA have 'finished' the pipes in the 'garden' but not filled in all the holes, or rather trenches they dug. I filled in one of them as it was out front but the rest of the yard has pot holes everywhere. S reckons that we need more dirt as there isnt enuff, I think he just cant be bothered trying to spread it all. Neither can I its too hot.

S & TA really worked their little dings off that day and at the end of it we had a get together with a couple of friends.

I bought a new BBQ and table set - for Christmas really - but I roasted a leg in it and we then BBQ'd some wings on it. It was a really mild nite and we werent eaten by mossies. It was good.

I hope the potholes are gone before Christmas. Be nice anyway.

the adventures of Sparky & The Apprentice

Well a couple of weeks ago I asked Sparky (S) to change a tap that was pissing everywhere (and had been for about 2 yrs), and by the end of the job there was no tap and the pipe was busted.

With the able assistance of the The Apprentice (TA), S & TA will be updating of the pipes in the gardens - this is a loose term for the grounds surrounding the house coz it aint exactly a garden. Just as well I suppose!

I am pleased that the pipes will be replaced/updated/etc.

I am a little worried that there is no plan - on paper. No pipes have been located - which is why we have to get new ones coz they also dug up and broke some.

Actually it was funny really as S came in the other night, they had been looking at something - I think they were having so much fun digging one hole, they thought they'd try another! S asked, 'Is the water working in here?' 'Of course', I replied - then it dawned me ..... 'Wot have you done?' S then told me that they had broken a pipe, maybe the mains. I really like them having fun with their toys but boy when it affects everything else I get a little dark. So that was 2 taps/pipes busted.

Anyway today they have hired a ditch witch. Not sure why, the ground here is sand - but they will play - the toys just get bigger. The 'plan' is to dig all of the trenches and then reinstate the garden taps. Good. Or maybe not.

I dont like being pessimistic but wot if they hit something more important than the pipes even? I cant think of anything but it is scary really. All I can say is that I have stocked up on candles and the bbq has plenty of gas.

I think, so that I dont have to watch or listen, I will go out for the day. It will be easier. I was gonna bake and all that homey stuff but the suspense is killing me and I cant concentrate. I'll put a load of washing on and go. C U

I cant believe it...!

Well I cant believe it but my semi retirement has come to an end. I knew it would but not so suddenly!

I was offered two jobs within hours of deciding to 'let go' mentally of all the shite of my last posting. It was a relief and I decided to let go at 9.30am on 16 October 2006. By midday I had been contacted by two employers to work with them.

One is for a couple of hours per day - five days per week, or more if I feel like it. I am trying to assist in organising her business. This should last about 6-8 weeks, great!!

The next job is with ASIO. Well not really but the employer would like to start a new business and has asked me to project manage it, with ongoing employment as the manager. I am totally stoked. As you can guess, it is on a need to know basis, ok so secret squirrel stuff abounds and I am loving the excitement of it.

Well all good things do come to an end, it must be karma or something.

The Eviction of the Apprentice

The Apprentice and his flatmate, BSW, were evicted and moved out by the Apprentices family & friends -- not BSW.

That BSW -- words cannot describe him -- I am convinced he is manic depressive. He is also a pothead and I noticed whilst cleaning his bloody mess, a crack pipe on the floor. If he isnt then he is making damn sure that he gives it a good nudge. I was so angry on Monday I coulda smacked his head in.

BSW arrived at the house on Saturday arvo, 6 pack swinging in his hand, whistling like he didnt have a care in the world, marched straight through to the kitchen -- wot holy F the fridge is gone. What did he expect? Whistling stops, marches to his room, stomps out of the house - slamming the door - and starts playing his drums in the garage. It is now about 5.00 pm.

A couple of the Apprentices friends and myself are just tying up loose ends, we are all knackered and planning on calling it a day.

Drums arent noisy enuff, obviously, so off he goes and chews up more of the backyard with the motorbike. BSW then gets sick of that and strides into the house, leaving his dog with no water or food and casually gestures towards the crappiest dining setting out, ordering us 'Not to put anything hard on it'. I nearly wrote that on it with the softest piece of wire I could find. No, but I contained myself - hey I am an adult!

Honestly we could not believe the nerve of the guy.

Anyway -- deep breath -- it is over, I am going to let it go.

I could still smack his head in though -- knee cap him -- he's not worth the trouble.

Anyway -- deep breath -- it is over, I am going to let it go, the world is beautiful and calm, o-o-mm.

Today was HOT

Well today was full of excitement. The MMW managed to put up the gutter with Sparky's able assistance on Thursday nite, so he finished attaching everything to it and then painted the guttering green. Rivetting stuff I know but it looks grouse! Tomorrow (or rather today) I will paint the panels and Sparky, MMW and the Apprentice (my son Scott) will clean up the mess the MMW & MW made clearing the jungle in front of the the wall/gutter/facia that we are doing up. Ya no, aside from the new paint I bought this has all cost nothing. Thats pretty groovy I reckon.

We are going to bed now coz we are stuffed!

The Apprentice has had a bad week, bit of a dust up with his flatmate. That is the trouble moving in with mates, they are better friends when they live somewhere else.

This guy though is the Biggest Slob in the World (BSW). He lets his dog shit and piss everywhere. Gawd! If the fucken thing shits in front of him he wont smell it until someone, usually the Apprentice, tells him to pick it up.

Apparently the dust up was about the BSW turning up the music at 11pm on a work nite and not allowing anyone else in the house to sleep. The Apprentice yelled and yelled and finally .... he puffed the house down... no no... the house was then quiet. They have already had a noise complaint from the neighbors.

Anyway the Apprentice doesnt like talking to me about it but with the MMW (his Opa) is here & he feels he can discuss it without any problems. It is best he talks it out as he very angry at present. Cant say I blame him.

Well since I have started this post the MWW has gone home having completed his mission of maintain and repair. God he's a good Dad!

And also the Apprentice has been given an eviction notice to leave his humble abode due to the loving presence of his flatmate. With friends like that who needs enemies. Hey.

What the hell was I thinking....??

Well for the past couple of weeks I have been making attempts to tidy up stuff around the house. I am not talking about housework either. I have started painting the facia boards as two of the corners were looking pretty bad - and no amount of nagging was getting Phil (my other half) out there to do the job. His comment was that we should just pay someone. Well hello Phil, we aint got no money honey! Remember? I am not working sweetie pie. Ah well it is nice to live in a dream world. Not that I can talk I am really enjoying being at home.

So anyways back to maintenance, I am attempting to paint the facia boards, trouble is I have trouble staying on one job so I have a lot of half done jobs.

Funny thing happened on Tuesday though. I thought I would also do some of the facia on the carport and wotyano the bloody gutter was hanging on by a wing and prayer and when the Maintenance Wizard (myself) went to bang one of the BLOODY nails in, it fell off.

I nearly fell off the ladder larfing. Oh god I am glad no one was there the swearing was pretty colorful. Funny thing is I realised then that the gutter had to be taken off to paint underneath coz it hadnt been done since Noah was a boy.

I showed Phil that nite and he said I'd done a good job. Yeh a blind man would be glad to see it I am sure. I wont give up my day job.... hang on, wot day job??!

Actually once I put the undercoat on half of it I stood back and thought well maybe I am a Maintenance Wizard, coz if I squint it looks like a bought one. Bloody beauty. I am sure I will get better at it, specially the painting part. You wouldnt want to stand underneath me when I am atop a ladder, painting coz I dont care where the paint goes as long most of it hits where I want it! The purple flowers & green grass have highlights of white now (nice), ah well they'll grow out of it.

Well anyway to help me finish everything I have started, the Master Maintenance Wizard (that'd be my dad) has arrived to rescue me from any further damage to the environment. He reckons it takes half a day to locate everything before he can start working on anything!

MMW is pretty good 'cept if he makes a mistake it just a technical failure which can be solved creatively. Thats like if the door is crooked you make the doorway fit it? Yeh, well maybe thats where I get me slap dash - dodgy brothers approach to maintenance from. Its better than no maintenance at all and I only touch the little stuff, like paint or put a screw in the wall.

Sparky (Phil) is wonderful round the house. MMW noticed that all the power points he has put in are hanging off the wall in the carport, How come he asked. Come on!!! I responded, I cant do everything. Like the old saying marry a tradesman and he will never do anything related to his field around the house.

Sparky is a pretty relaxed kinda guy and I wouldnt have him any other way, trouble is if he slowed down any more he'd be stopped!!

Well I know the MMW will be needing me soon - like he has been up since sparrow fart - so I'd better get some duds on and then MMW and MW can work on the wot needs to be done, cuss n swear and larf lots. Wot fun.

thats it today, cheers big ears - same goes big nose, toodles chrissie

Blue Fairy & I

Well this past week was a surprise. No not really as our little plan worked. Blue Fairy no longer has as many problems as before and added bonus, I no longer get any heavy breathing calls.

I forgot to tell you about that, just too excited about telling stories about Captain Underpants.

Along with the suspected dilly dallyings on Max (Blue Fairy's work computer), we also suspected that Captain Underpants was make a few extra curricula phone calls during the day. I would receive a few calls during the week, with of course your standard heavy breather on the end. I dont think he ever came, cos there were no grunts or heavy sighs, just breathing. 'Sides I dont think he could find his Rooster Toe (micro penus for the uneducated). I am unsure why I came to the conclusion that the calls were from him but I was sure of it. They all had this criteria:

• they were either at about 9-10 am or around 3pm every time
• they always occurred during business hours
• they occurred Mon to Fri
• I could hear breathing - nothing else except for the occasional muffled background noise
• they rarely lasted longer than 1 minute

Anyway another successful week. I have received my docs for the payout now and ... well , I guess the cheques in the mail.

toodles, chrissie

Taking a Pay Out

I am chomping at the bit, actually I'm biting my nails, waiting for a pay out from my not so current problem. Well it is current but has been coming for soOOOo long.

I have devised with a friend a plan. This plan is to freak out my 'soon to be ex-boss'. So far so good.

Last week as a joke, we started emailing each other and making up stories about job offers and other really exciting stuff that isnt happening. My pies da resistance on Friday was a message sent to my friend (Blue Fairy) saying, 'Hi Captain Underpants (thanks Blue Fairy for the name), how are you today?' God I love upsetting the apple cart!

I know that this sounds silly but prior to sending this message, Blue Fairy n I have assumed Captain Underpants has been reading our electronic correspondence. Controversial and very unprofessional, 'specially as he is not reading other staff email'. Ok we were just being paraniod.

Well it hasnt been without reason. Blue Fairy's computer has been playing up a lot lately, just with a lot of little things - not much on its own. By Friday last week IT had managed to clean up Blue Fairy's computer and she now did not have to use four times as many passwords as anyone else. By gones were by gones and all was forgiven.

Following my message of hello to Captain Underpants on Friday, Blue Fairy was catching up on her tooth collection and using her work computer (Max) to write to more of her clients on Saturday. And wotya no! her computer requested that she again sign on many times, and playing funny bug**rs with her. She couldnt even print the snap shots of her little friends when they were sell-ebrating (a little rowdily I mite add - I was there)! Mien Got! Ach du lieber, wos musterden?, the Blue Fairy asked Max. Further cursing in any language would be considered inappropiate.

We now deduce that we are being WATCHED!!!