Yesterday was the Best!!

Last evening I did the most horrible thing I could for the year and I also did something really, really good. At the same time.

I will share it with you. Just a bit of background first - we have this schizo, paranoid, nutbag geezer in our wonderful little hamlet - I will call him Claus (as in Clous). He will berate you, annoy you, lecture you, suck up to you, annoy the shit out of you and all at the same time. He is a wonderful piece of street theatre and watching him in action - gesticulating and spitting everywhere as he spouts his true beliefs about the imperialists/facists/communists and whoever else is getting up his nose at that particular millisecond - is wonderful. He is a soap box hero!

You know I think I may even admire his tenacity as in spite of the local residents despising his presence anywhere in town, he sticks around and ensures that you know he is there. Wonderful. Not really!

Ah well doing the last bit of Christmas 'shopping' and chatting with the locals I espied Claus 'chatting' with a young man (handsome about 24). Claus was ensuring the young man knew of his beliefs in the railways and how messed up they are (according to him) and his suggestions(views) on how their problems may be solved.

Poor bastard. To give credit where it was due, he tolerated the nutbag and continued to eat his donut and finish his coffee. AND not only that to look interested and respond where required.

I passed Poor bastard once and thought SUCKER!!!!

Then I went back again and had to walk backwards, grinning all the way to silently mouth - SUCKER - he smiled at me.

I dropped off some stuff and walked passed Poor bastard again, grinning. I was really enjoying seeing the show. It was fabo!

I window shopped, coz I could. I just had to and walked back again past Poor bastard and grinned again. I felt like I was stalking him and I didnt know him from Adam.

Like I was really spreading Christmas cheer. Claus was in full gesticulating, spitting flight by now. Poor bastard looked at me imploringly as I passed, I was Grinning.

I put all my gear in the car - and thought hey... I could rescue this guy... if I was nice. I looked over to him, waved a little wavelet and finished putting my window shopping in the car. I put my bag in too and shut the door and locked my car.

I was gunna do it.

I walked over to where Claus and Poor Bastard were sitting and smiled sweetly to PB. Excused myself to Claus and said sweetly to PB, 'I'm finished now, are you ready to go?' PB couldnt escape fast enuff. He shot off up the street, looking like he would never return to our Hamlet!

Oh my, I was sorry to see him go but then I had Claus (NB) to attend to. I apologised to NB and he absolutely exploded, I think he really enjoyed it! The explosion I mean - I think I was tempted to ask him if the earth moved for him. But I suppose that would have been too cruel.

I looked at him innocently and he exclaimed, 'You are so rude you ...^^&**((&^?? (cant remember) how dare you interrupt OUR conversation'. I giggled. NB did not like this one little bit and advanced into a maniacal tirade, abusing me for interupting his tete a tete!

At this stage I lowered my guard and allowed myself to swear at him, after all I was only confirming what a bitch I was, according to him anyway. I called him a Fuc*en Dic*head, while still smiling sweetly at him. I was so enjoying this, it was so wicked.

I did realise though that really I should not have sworn. Hell it was out now. AND I no longer worked for that council so I was entitled, especially as he had fired abuse at us all at one time or another and we had been forbidden to comment, retaliate or defend ourselves.

I motioned a bird at him and called him a stupid idiot and turned on my heel, walking to the car, I got in and started her up. Claus was going full bore by now.

A little girl about 8 looked at me puzzled. I smiled and waved. She smiled and waved back like we had just shared a secret. It was so cool. Christmas cheer was spreading everywhere!

Anyway with all the commotion, NB carrying on making a proper spectacle of himself - everyone in the street was watching by now. Those further away only heard him - he was screaming his vexacious diatribe for all to hear. Where's a cop when you need one? - I thought.

Okay so I drove off. I had done my good deed for the year and I had also committed my major sin for the year. Do they cancel each other out?

I dont know either.

As a PS I had my photo taken with Santa that evening. He asked if I had been a good girl all year. My reply, while smiling sweetly and with a twinkle in my eyes, 'Of course, and when I'm bad I am even better!' and he gave me a lolly pop while Ho Ho Ho-ing.

I think I made Santa's year too.